I don’t remember when exactly
But I drowned
There’s just a light memory
Of vibrancy, of curiosity
And then it turned into a heavy block,
Black painted oblivion
Suppression, depression
tied around my legs pulling me down
Tied around my throat
So I just can breathe as much as to survive
It all turned into pointlessness
I don’t care
I don’t feel anything
utter dullness
I’ve lost it
I’m lost
There was a time, I remember
There was sadness
Grief
Anger
Pain
something alive
And then all of it died, slowly
too much to bear
the fire expired, no resistance
But it was not release
No transformation
All froze
paralysing in-depth,
unreachable
no pain can surface from there
no sensation
no pulse of life
it’s not even survival
it’s vegetating in numbness and lethargy
Life has lost its value
My life is worthless
Whatever was supposed to thrive
has turned
into neglect
succumbing