Right before I lost myself in this endless vastness and lightness, I drowned once again in the heaviness. My breath stood still under the pressure that was lying on my chest. My heart stopped beating, it ended this old rhythm, this outlived melody. Nothing worked anymore, nothing progressed, everything gave up its service, all programs switched off, nothing in me could carry on living.
The darkness around me became great and it seemed as if I was being buried alive. Buried under the weight of being someone I am not, of having to be someone. A being with a name attached to me, with an identity that I could only recognize in the mirror. Attached to stories that others made up for me to perpetuate their own stories.
In that dark tomb, my name suffocated. Suffocated my identity. Choked my story and all stories lost their breath there. The darkness was vast and the confinement unbearable. So I lay motionless in my grave and stared with open eyes into the approaching timelessness. Nothing could get any closer, everything came within reach now.
And then, when eternity collided with timelessness, when my skin had fallen off and all my bones had crumbled to dust, and when nothing was left of me, it all happened.
I opened my eyes, and my heart began to beat in an entirely unique rhythm, unknown to it before. And a vast world opened up in front of me, almost effortlessly connecting and disconnecting, its forms shifting, dancing and light.
I was immersed in this world, and disappeared into it.
