A thousand things in my head, planned and spontaneous, as if they had all arranged to meet at once now. Now all at once, planned chaos in the head, that was not foreseeable.
The plan – as laid out there – loses its ground. Sudden flashes of inspiration attack it, emerge, dive off, swift and agile as a fish, hands grasping into nothing, fingers slipping away. Trying goes nowhere, but it leaves traces, purely atomic, the tiny nucleus enveloped in nothingness, barely perceptible and yet an invasion.
Disrupted like this, it seems like a standstill, but it is the calm before the storm assigning everything a new place. It builds up, quietly and inconspicuously. It takes up more and more space, changes time. Being there, that’s what it’s all about, being with it. Control is obsolete, there is no point in thinking about it. It simply goes, no matter the thought. There is a change of direction and goes no further in any direction, up down, forward, that used to be and even looking back has nothing more to say.
Eyes open looking around in space, old and new at the same time, nothing has changed and everything is new. Moving somewhere, deliberately nowhere. The surroundings are crystal clear, everything is clear.
What am I actually doing here?