Sometimes I wonder
If I just have to endure it
That, what temporarily appears unbearable, hopeless
And that the idea, any other way could be better
Is just an illusion
And sometimes I’d just like to escape, run away, disappear
From what appears,
Be it called memory, emotion, reality
You, me, the other, the world
This
What is
I want it better
Thirsty and craving in the desert of the world of me and the other
For the mirage, fulfilling all desires and visions
All I have ever wanted and imagined
To achieve
To accomplish
To get
I want a never-ending happy end
I want awakening from the dream
I want liberation
I want enlightenment
I want love
I want a harmony in which the pendulum is frozen in the light
Forever
In this imagined light of better
Not here, not now
Everything seems flawed
my pain becomes conserved
Now is the time
But it’s not good
Enough
Not ready yet
Incomplete
And the dream becomes a restless sleep
Sometimes a nightmare
The butterflies shady creatures
Innocence a sin
The dream an ongoing exhausting agenda
And a battlefield
On which I desperately try to change
The dream
The dreamer
The dreamscape
For the better
Until the better collapses
Into the stream of transience
Into an all-embracing sublime aliveness
That turns the battlefields into playgrounds
Seeking into awe and mystery
And separation into raw and seamless
Love
