You walk through this door, and you are certain, there is a door, to get in, to get out, to get through. The path seemed so clear, what was clearly your soul, your spirit tribe, guided you, prepared you, since incarnations. You heard, you answered the call. It could not lead to any other place, this is your destination, this is your purpose, this is your fulfillment. Your soul chose its challenges through this life bravely, and before you stood in front of this door, you even could remember all of the details. You worked dedicated through all your trauma and karma and didn’t leave out your ancestors and the collective.
Now there’s this wide open gate, almost demanding you to pass through. You feel this excitement of achievement, of crossing the finish line, finally the reward for the intention of doing all the hard work.
You are ready to give up, to surrender your ego, your higher self is already waiting to embrace you, to welcome you to this new, higher dimension. You feel this sacredness, this holy spirit in your cells, pervading every bit of you. You…
The door…
Where is it at once? You are ready…
You look around, the landscape has changed, you don’t recognize one thing anymore, although you remember.
Something terrifying that you cannot really fathom seems to creep up, up…up where? Apparently, you have lost the direction, the path…where to give up this ego?
An emerging darkness surrounds you, that has neither color nor form. It is not the darkness that you remember as the opposite of light, but unknown. It is vast and empty, amorph. You cannot read anything out of it, there is no answer to your what or why or how, just no idea, that it is.
While you disturbed seek the door, that last thing you remember, you realize that there’s no way back, no escape. This ego, that you wanted to surrender, is not separate from this door, that evidently cannot be found anymore. You want to get out, but there is no way out. You try to apply what you learned, what you practiced, and while you grasp it, it turns into goo. Its names and descriptions echo meaningless in the void, they are like the scent of death in a slaughterhouse.
While the whole story you believed to be true – about yourself, life, purpose and reality – seems to fall apart, this empty space, devoid of all property, gets filled with some sublime and overwhelming sensation. “This is it”, comes to your mind, and “aliveness”.
And then your mind just stops, becomes inseparable with this void that is the stream that is aliveness that is now\here and ever and never and that is this and that and not.
